I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i now understand why vodka
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
