My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize