11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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