He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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