i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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