Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
