One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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