Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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