What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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