It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
