I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
