The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
