He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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