I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
