my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize