I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
