After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
