Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
