it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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