I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
