Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
id be glad to
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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