my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize