Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
