Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
