I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
