I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
