They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
two words...techno handjob
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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