Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
