I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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