Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
