My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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