The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My life is pants optional.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
