I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
