I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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