i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry my hands just texted you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize