We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
