i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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