I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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