that's an acceptable place to lick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
