My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i love accidental penises.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
