we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
