Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
