It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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