So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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