Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
