I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
