Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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