Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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