no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
