I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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