If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
