My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
