Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dear god my vagina.
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