yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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