guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
