I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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