She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
