Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
false alarm, still single
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
