had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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