i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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