im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
