She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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