oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
