He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
