Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
