why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize