google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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