Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
