I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
