please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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