No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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