Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
