Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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