I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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